Knowing Me – My Identity

“Who are ya? Who are ya?” It’s a football chant that the crowd call out to the opposition team when they are not doing so well. It is a challenge of what is your identity and what are you known for?  Mixed of course with a good dose of sarcasm.

As a coach, when I work with people who want to improve their confidence, we quickly discover that the bedrock to confidence is knowing who you are, what your purpose is and a sense of what you bring to the world, what values you stand for and that you belong to yourself and others. I find so many people can’t answer the football chant of ‘who are you?’ So, this series of blogs seeks to help you discover your identity, be at peace with your journey and story that has shaped it, gain alignment with your passionate purpose and recognise the things that press your buttons and how to take responsibility and control for them, so that you can be the best version of yourself.

What forms your identity?

One of the reason the simple question of ‘what is your identity?’ or ‘who are you?’ is so hard to answer is that it is complex. A quick google of that question can reveal that identity is a blend of many things. Values, beliefs, habits, principles, goals, physical features, career, emotions and talents can all blend to form how you and others see you. Many people see their identity tied with the job they do and indeed it is part of it. However, when the job ends through redundancy or retirement, what is my identity now? I remember clearly having a conversation with Anna, a friend of mine, about discussing our identity. I reminded her she was more than Anna the headteacher, she was Anna the wife, Anna the mother, Anna the daughter, Anna the friend and of course Anna. Running as a thread through all of these roles will be our character that is driven by our thinking that is shaped by our personal beliefs, a purpose and some values. These shape our behaviour that becomes the character we are known by.

So, who am I? I am Colin. I’m a maximiser. I love taking something that is ok and making it better. I love to see the potential and wonder in others and my purpose is to empower them to see it in themselves and inspire and equip them to work towards it. How did I shape that understanding of that in myself? If I am honest, it took me until my 50’s and working as a coach to fully realise that and put language to it. So how do you find out yours? The following steps might help you to find your identity.

What are your beliefs?     

What do you think about life and people? Beliefs shape your values. These shape your thinking and therefore your character.

What are you valued for?  

If you asked 3 friends ‘what do they value you for?’, what would they say?

What do you love doing?  

What makes you smile? What do you enjoy doing? What brings you a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction? 

What are your strengths?  

Use a Strengthsfinder or similar assessment to understand your top 5. Ask a friend or colleague what you are good at.

What are you known for?  

We are not what we do, but our repeated actions may well reveal something we hold important to us.

Look for themes that run through these. This may give you a clue about your identity.

Thinking shapes your character

Our character is who we are known as. Our character is shaped by our thinking. Our thoughts lead to feelings and the more we have those it becomes a habit and ultimately our character. So, if your answers to the questions above are not who you want to be, then your character can be change. We just need to change our thinking. The more we practice new thoughts, the more it can shape our character. Our identity evolves and it not static. But more on our journey of identity next month.

Can we help you? 

We hope this blog has been helpful and if you would like some more targeted support to explore discovering your identity and gain better insight then Everyday Leader is here to help you. Our clients find their coaching empowering, as we help them gain a full perspective and find a way forward.  If you have a challenge and you would like our support, then do get in contact with us. Give us a call on 01449 710438 or email colin@everydayleader.co.uk if you would like us to help you explore this and empower you.